Failures, Disappointments, and Challenges

I've been thinking a lot about the failures, disappointments,
and challenges that I've experienced over the course of my
life. My experiencing them has contributed to my growth as
a Christian man. Although it would be a stretch to consider
the viva result a failure, it was a disappointment and a chal-
lenge after all the time and work I've spent here in St. An-
drews. But the disappointment and the challenges have
only motivated me to grow deeper in both heart and mind.

I have heard it said that championship athletic teams be-
come better through losses; that successful business man-
agers learn from business failures; that the most gifted
writers often have seasons of their labor being rejected for
publication; and that life's most glorious times often come
out of the darkest moments. I cannot say that I interpret
the viva results as a great loss, a failure, a rejection, or a
dark night of my soul. Nor is it a disappointment that will
get me down and depressed. Rather I see it as a challenge
to use up to a year to interact more with Orlando Costas
whom I spent so much time researching. The interaction
with his theology of mission is what I sensed I needed to
do, but had not done by the time my academically allotted
time ran out. Now I do have that official time to do what I
need and want to do.

I must admit that I do feel wounded. But also I have heard
it said that woundedness yields godly character, especially
wisdom. That is what I most desire. May it be so.

As always, I covet your prayers. Blessings to you and
yours,

Hey, Hey, I Really Am OK! Eh?

The Canadians have a wonderful way of employing 'eh'
with just the right tone and timing when talking. The
Scots also have their own distinct way of using 'aye' in
their speech. The desired response by the hearer of
said 'eh' or 'aye' is to trust what the speaker has just
said. When I employ 'eh' (I couild have used 'aye') in
the title above, I am asking you, dear reader, to trust
me when I state that I am OK with the results of the
viva. In fact, I welcome the opportunity to continue to
work on my thesis for a bit longer.

I am not mentally quick; I ponder, wrestle, labor, and
struggle to think well. I have never learned things quick-
ly, and so I rarely do things right the first few times. In
terms of mental activity I am a tortoise, and not a hare;
a hotair balloon, and not a jet airplane; a crockpot, and
not a microwave oven. I hope I am more like an aged
fine wine one savors with a good meal than instant cof-
fee gulped down in the morning. I remember times long
ago when l would race ahead of my mother and look way
back to see her slowly making her way to our common
destination. Well, my thinking is like my mother's walk-
ing: sooner or later my thinking gets me to the desired
location.

Even though I feel disappointed about the outcome
of the viva, and because I am a crockpot-type think-
er, I actually welcome the opportunity to do some
more work on my thesis for re-submission. My the-
sis is like a good meal in the crockpot that smells
ready to eat. However, after having tasted it, I rea-
lize it still needs a little more time in the crockpot.
But boy, do I look forward to enjoying it when it
has cooked a bit longer. All the ingredients are
there; it is just going to need a little more time in
the crockpot.

Having the degree of PhD is not as important to me
as having had the chance to study and reflect on Or-
lando Costas, the topic of my research. I am appre-
ciative that my two readers maintained high stan-
dards and did not just wave my thesis through.
Their comments were useful and challenging. Be-
cause of that I hope to have a much better thesis
to resubmit.

Blessings to you and yours, the Crackpot Crockpot

Today's the Day!

Today is the day of my viva, and I am ready to get on with
it! I have spent the last ten days preparing for this day after
not having touched the thesis since it was submitted in Jan-
uary. I look forward to critical feedback on what I worked
hard on for four years. I am eager to get into the viva.

I had a good rest last night and woke up refreshed. Soon I
will head off to Morning Prayer at the University Chapel,
and then go for a walk along the North Sea, have pancakes
and hot chocolate at the North Point (a hangout of mine),
and then probably take a little nap. I don't know what
I'll do yet after that. The viva is scheduled for 2:30. I'll
try to remember to post the outcome of the viva some
time tonight.

All the best,

It's Time for Viva Time!

Well, in less than 24 hours I will have gone through my viva
and heard the outcome of the oral defense of my thesis. I am
experiencing a great sense of peace that will abide with me re-
gardless of the outcome of the defense. If there are things I
still need to work on, I want to hear it; if my thesis stands up
to the panel, I want to hear the affirmation. Regardless of what
happens, I believe I win both ways.

I have been learning a lot reading my thesis through several
times and I am making new connections as a result. I worked
hard on the thesis for four years and received the word from
my supervisor to submit it. I really enjoy reading my thesis
and I look forward to the viva tomorrow. I actually hope to
have some fun during it. I want to discuss my argument with
two scholars whom I respect. There are times when I feel
like my stomach is in my throat; but most of the time I am
eager to be in the viva discussing what has become very im-
portant to me.

So, Wednesday, the 14th of May, at 2:30, is a date and a
time I will long remember.

All the best to you and yours,

Viva Time: It's Getting Closer!

May 14th no longer seems so far away. It's only a few more
days until my oral examination, and I continue to read through
my thesis to prepare myself for the viva. I have not read
closely some parts of it for nearly two years now. I enjoy
reading what I've written and my argument seems to be
sustained until the end of the thesis. I am confident in what
I have written. By that I do not mean that I expect no neg-
ative criticism. What it does mean is that I want to hear
comments about both the good and the bad aspects of my
work. I expect that my two readers will be forthright with
me so that I can be better at doing written research like
this. It is a privilege to have two scholarly readers taking
considerable time to pay close attention to what I've writ-
ten, take my research seriously, and give me critical feed-
back. That's what I want. So I am eager to get on with it.

But it is the time after the May 14th viva that worries me.
I'm planning to move out of university housing at the end
of May and I don't have anywhere to go yet. At that point
I am no longer a student protected by the University and
I am not yet in a relationship with the Church of Scotland.
One possibility has not worked out as I had hoped. I feel
vulnerable. It is like the time is at hand when I have to
jump from a place of security. The problem is that I do not
see any place to jump to. Again I have to learn the lesson
of trusting God in all this. As usual, I covet your prayers
on my behalf regarding this concern.

All the best to you and yours,

One Week Until V-Day!

It is 6pm on Wednesday, May 7th. At this time one week
from today I should be out of my viva (oral examination for
my PhD thesis). For some time now I've been committing
the viva and my two readers to the Lord Jesus. So whether
i t passes with distinction, or I'm assigned to do some more
work on it, or even if it should fail, I'll know it is of the Lord.
I am eager to discuss my research with two very able Chris-
tian theologians. I want their feedback and their critical
comments. I have put so much into this thesis, but my iden-
tity and self-worth are not wrapped up in my project. As I
recently have been reading through my thesis, I have grown
more confident in what I have written. I really look forward
to critical feedback on my work. I want to know whether I
am on track or whether I have gotten bogged down some-
place. During the next week I have planned to study my
thesis carefully so that I am prepared to defend it before
the panel of two scholars. I am really looking forward to it!
I ask for your prayers.

As for my transfer of ordination to the Church of Scotland,
things are moving faster than I had expected. A few days
ago I was informed that everything that I had submitted
to the Church of Scotland was in order. Yesterday I was
asked to appear before a subcommittee of the Ministry
Council on June 5th. That's really good.

As usual, I ask for your prayers.

God's blessings on you and yours,

A Quick Posting

On April 30th I began preparing for my viva-my
oral defense. I haven't touched my thesis or thought
about it much since I submitted it on January 21.
But I planned to begin reading it carefully two weeks
before my viva. It is close, less than two weeks away,
and I am enjoying getting back into it. I'll plan on
reading it through three times before I defend it.
I'm on the seventh of nine chapters of the first read-
ing of the thesis . I am very satisfied with what I
have written and don't see anything I could have
done differently. I will write more later on the viva
and my thesis.


Meanwhile I have been busy volunteering at a near-
by Christian bookstore and coffeeshop. I had been
putting in four to six hours a week since February.
But three weeks ago I was invited to do 12 hours
for pay. I do enjoy it, but it has really thrown my
schedule out of wack. I'm still trying to adjust to
the extra demand on my time.


I had expected that I would have more free time
once I submitted my thesis back in January. But
it seems that I have been busier than ever. I sub-
mitted all of the paperwork for the Church of Scot-
land on May 1. Getting that done and sent off was
a major ordeal for me. It took up a lot of my time
and energy over the past three months. Now I am
spending considerable time preparing for my viva.


One thing I enjoy is talking with people. The past
three weeks have been especially rich with planned
and unplanned conversations. I spend a lot of time
reflecting on those chats in my journal as well. I
have really enjoyed the conversations, but I ne-
glected keeping up with the blog.


If you do remember me in your prayers, please pray
for my transition time from St. Andrews to wherever
I go with the Church of Scotland. I am no longer con-
sidered a student at the University, and right now I
have no place to go. I have no idea how long the pro-
cess with the Church of Scotland will take, so it is
hard to make any plans. I want to be able to meet
with them as soon as they call. I don't know my next
step yet, so I would appreciate your prayers for the
Lord's guidance, provision, and protection.


I will keep you updated.