The Tide Has Turned

When I woke up this morning, I had a strong sense that something in my right eye had broken;
not in the sense that eye was broken down and no longer working right (my eye may be broken
down in that sense), but that the negative condition of the eye had reached its highpoint and it
had started to go down, to decrease. I spent four months of 2008 as a volunteer at a Christian
Retreat Centre on Holy Island/Lindisfarne, a tidal island in north coastal England. I remember
sitting in the garden with the director and hearing him remark to me that the tide had just reached
its highpoint and was now going out. He had no way to verify this, but he could sense it. The
tide had broken; it had turned. There have been times that I have gone to bed sicker than a dog
with fever. Later I woke up in the middle of the night, having a strong sense that the fever had
broken. I expected that I would be getting increasingly better from then on.

That's how I felt when I got up this morning: the condition of my eye was still poor, but I sensed
that the highpoint of the condition had been reached and it was decreasing from that time onward.
My sight, as poor as it is, is improving day by day. The sharp jabs of pain have disappeared. I am getting perspective of two eyes rather than just one. I am resting well. I finally received the medi-
cal records from the eye surgeon in Boston who performed the surgery on my eye in 1992. I will
pass those on to my doctor here on Friday. I still may lose my sight in the right eye, but for now
that is not the direction it is headed. I receive the comfort and peace that only Jesus can provide.
The condition in my right eye has broken, the tide has turned. I covet your prayers.

Blessings to you and yours,
      
 

A Saturday Report on My Eye

Yesterday, Dr Kuffova again examined my right eye at the Eye Clinic of the Aberdeen Royal In-
firmary. I am grateful for the quality of care that I have received at the Clinic by Dr Kuffova and
the staff.  She and several other resident doctors had examined my eye three weeks before and
had proposed the option of removing a buckle that was inserted in '92 to hold my retina in place.
The buckle was protruding and irritating the eye. She prescribed drops and steroids to stabilise the
eye and made an appointment to see her in three weeks.

When I saw Dr Kuffova yesterday, it had been the three weeks since she had last examined my
eye. But a lot had happened since I last saw her. On Saturday, I experienced jabs of pain in my
eye. The next morning I was examined by three eye doctors down in Aberdeen. They told me
my eye was shrinking and shutting down. My daily routine of drops and steroids were increased
in strength and times per day. That night I lost all vision in my right eye.

Yesterday, I had hopes that my eye had been stabilised, but that was not the news I received.
Dr Kuffova saw bleeding inside my eye and this was was causing the pain. The bleeding was
not stopping because I am on warfarin to thin my blood. In the case of my aortic valve replace-
ment, warfarin is important for preventing life-threatening strokes; but in the case of my eye,
warfarin was preventing blood from gelling and stopping. Pressure was continuing to decrease
in my eye. My condition was serious: I could lose the use of my right eye. She increased the reg-
imen of drops and steroids to stabilise the eye. I will see her again next Friday.

I have been on the increased regimen of medicine for 24 hours now, and already I see and feel
positive signs. I put drops in my eye or take pills nineteen times a day. I slept well last night-
for over nine hours. I took a delicious three-hour nap early in the afternoon. The pain has di-
minished greatly, but I don't know whether it is because of pain relievers or the bleeding is
starting to stop. I did wake up from the nap realising that I had missed my time to take pain
relievers, yet I was not overcome by pain as I was before. I have asked replacements to take
over two services for me. I do not know how this will turnout. All I can do is follow the doc-
tor's orders, praise the Lord, and entrust myself into his God's loving arms. I am resting well
and I feel at peace. As always, I ask for your continued prayers.

Blessings to you and yours,

A Further Eye Update

Until last Saturday, my right eye seemed to have been getting better. The redness and irritation

were disappearing and I wasn't experiencing any pain. But early Saturday morning when I was preparing for a Saturday prayer meeting I lead, I felt a sharp pain in my right eye. It was so strong
that I fell on my knees. The pain was excruciating. The sharp pain subsided after a few minutes,
but I felt the steady dull pain in my right eye and head that is still with me as I write this post five
days later. 

In a previous blog about three weeks ago I wrote about visiting the doctor at the local health clin-

ic who was concerned about my eye.  She made a mighty effort to get me an appointment with
an eye specialist after hours at the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary. One of the church elders drove me
down to the hospital an hour away in Aberdeen. I was seen by another British-born Pakistani doc-
tor who expressed his concern about the serious condition of my eye. He focused on the buckle
of a belt that had been preventing the retina from detaching. It had served its purpose for over 20
years, but now was protruding through the eye membrane. He said that it does have to be re-
moved. He wanted his supervisor to see me early the next morning at the Aberdeen Eye Clinic.
The doctor prescribed a regimen of drops to help stabilise my eye and reduce swelling. 

Early the next morning, the elder, who has become a dear friend, drove me through Aberdeen 

rush hour traffic to the eye clinic. Even though I did not have an appointment, the staff there 

made time to see me.  The Resident Supervisor examined my eye and supported the conclusion
that the buckle needed to be removed. She set a date in three weeks to see me again. She asked
me to obtain the medical records from the surgeon in Boston who did the surgery in 1992. The
regimen I followed was three different pills and drops, 11 times a day for three weeks. I was en-couraged when I felt that my eye was getting better. But that was until last Saturday morning.

Last Saturday my eye was extremely painful. The eye had not been so before. The eye was
watery and sensitive to pressure anywhere around the eye. Another elder who dropped by the
house expressed her concern about how my eye looked and made arrangements for me to see a
doctor. The doctor at the local hospital arranged for me to see an eye specialist in Aberdeen Sun-
day morning. Nothing would have stopped me from seeing the doctor the next morning, even
church. Fortunately St Fergus Parish Church was participating in an united service Sunday morn-
ing, and I did not have a major part in the service. The pain persisted throughout the day and eve-
ning, but at least I was comforted that I would be seeing a doctor soon.

The next morning I did see an eye specialist. As he examined my eye he called in two other eye
specialists. As I understand it, my eye had entered a new phase. The buckle was eroding the
membrane of the eye. This resulted in the eye losing internal pressure; it could not maintain the
proper pressure. Therefore it was shrinking. It was 'shutting down.' Because of the low pressure,
the eye was painful. Pain has been my constant companion since Saturday. They increased the
steroid drops I was using in order to build up the pressure in the eye. They planned to see me
again at the Eye Clinic the following Friday. As I write this post, that appointment is tomorrow
morning.

Sometime on Sunday I lost sight in my right eye. It was like a black curtain came over my eye.
I had never known that before. It was rather disconcerting to me. I have been praying fervently
that my sight would be restored. I have been disciplined in following the regimen of drops that
they had me on. Only yesterday, Wednesday, did I start to see the black curtain start to dissi-
pate and replaced by more of a light fog. The pain has not subsided. But tomorrow I will get
a bigger picture of what is happening and see what the next step is. I covet your prayers on my
behalf.

Blessings to you and yours,

Still Learning to Rest

Four weeks ago I was feeling pretty worn out. Advent and Christmas week sucked the energy
out of me. A heavy theological conference, two funerals, and a rush to prepare a Sunday ser-
vice drained even more energy out of me. I really needed time off, but somehow it is difficult
for me to set down my activities and ministry. Three Mondays ago and several days after that,
I finally did it. And, boy, was it ever good. I just laid low at home.

When I have had time off before, I had a tendency to plan trips and explorations to places far
away. It takes time and energy to plan these jaunts and to actually do them. The result is that I
am usually in need of a real holiday when I come back. I am also confronted by a pile of mail
and emails that was thrown on top of a huge pile of mail I had neglected over the past two or
three months. This time I just decided to stay home and do what I wanted to do.

I just took it easy. I most enjoyed reading Scripture and praying, followed by times of journal-
ing. I read and finished one book that I had struggled to find time to read. I went to the BBC
iPlayer to watch wonderful shows on great British Railway journeys and 20th century world
history. I enjoyed taking a nap every day. I did not have any interruptions that took away from
my time off.

I did not do anything that substantially contributed to ministry in St Fergus, yet the time off was
vital to my well-being, my walk with Christ, and my service to our Lord and his kingdom. I strug-
gle to rest, especially to rest in the Lord Jesus. It is difficult for me refrain from doing something;
thus I neglect my relationship with God. It is a fundamental issue of my life. Even though I bold-
ly profess that I am saved by grace through faith, I live as it it all depends on my works and ef-
forts. That is wrong; it is sin. I have to keep re-learning that lively faith focuses on what God has
done through the cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ, not on anything I do. Yet I need to learn
that God has redeemed me in Jesus to do good works that God planned for us. I ask for your
prayers as I seek to take this to heart and live it out.

Blessings to you and yours,  

Birthday Greetings

Today is February 7, and it's my birthday. It is the Big 6-0. I feel like I am over the hump of a
long road trip and looking back over the winding route I have been travelling. It has been fun.
Somehow being 60 doesn't sound as old as being in my late 50s. I know it doesn't make much
sense, but that's how I see it now. When I was younger I hoped that when I reached 60 I would
be well-established in ministry and family, enjoying the fruit of over several decades of sustained
labor. The more I have advanced in years, the more I have enjoyed the life journey; yet I firmly
believe the best is yet to come in my life. I am having fun. People my age or just a few years old-
er than me are preparing for retirement or already retired. I, however, see myself as if I were in
my late 30s or early 40s: that I am at a good place in life with the whole world ahead of me.

When I turned 50, I was living in Philip, SD, USA, pastoring two rural churches, one in Philip
and the other in Interior, SD. I really felt at home there and enjoyed the people living in the area.
I had applied to do postgraduate study at the University of St Andrews, but part of me hoped that
I would be staying in South Dakota. However, I was accepted for study in Scotland and I bade a
fond farewell to the people of Philip and Interior. Thus began an era in my life when Scotland be-
came the geographical place in which God worked on me. I relish the five plus years I spent in
St Andrews and the two years I was in Cupar. I faced some serious challenges that moulded me
and shaped me. When I first arrived in St Andrews nearly ten years ago, I could not foresee all
that the Lord would lead me through during my 50s. I journeyed through a time of challenging
preparation. I felt like I was taken off the front lines of ministry and placed out of action for fur-
ther training. Yet I treasure my time at St Andrews, Cupar, and back home in Longview/Kelso
for 15 months.

So here I am, just turning 60 today. I love it here in St Fergus and the North-East of Scotland. I
have a strong sense of calling to serve the people of St Fergus Parish Church. There is no place
I would rather be. I am here for the long-term. I sense that God has great things planned for St
Fergus and the NE, and I intend to be part of them. Finally I can truly say I am back in the thick
of the action, delighting where the Lord has placed me. As always, I ask for your prayers.

Blessings to you and yours,